I'm taking a moment to reflect on the significance of this picture in my hands because honestly, up until this point, I think I've just been in a cycle of feeling relieved while also simultaneously holding my breath in a state of disbelief. After nearly 8 years of patiently waiting, this picture is proudly displayed on our fridge, and so it means something very different to us. It shows 8 years of growth, 8 year of faith, 8 years of wondering, hoping, and waiting. It is all we have accomplished in that time and all we are today. And yes, it is all of our tomorrows too.
It took months to plan and save for IVF, but we were surprised how easy it was to hand over our savings when the time came. We felt so much peace about it- knowing not only that we had tried everything else and that this was the right move for us, but also that it was the right time. So I did the shots and patches and felt my ovaries grow and grow. And there was no bad news a long the way. And when my doctor called with the results of my pregnancy test, after so many similar calls from so many other doctors, I heard what I needed to in the tone of his voice before he even said the words. We were pregnant.
When you are expecting, people are always asking how I'm feeling, and in my head I always think back to how it felt before. And I can only say that I honestly feel fine. Every symptom is a happy reminder, any discomfort or pain is less than what I had previously known. But on the other hand, all the joy and excitement sometimes feels too personal to share, too hard fought to be widely understood. And so I look back at this picture and feel to a certain extent like it's still our little secret, ours and ours alone.
12 week ultrasound
Baby is due in October and will be welcomed by so many people who have been waiting all along with us for that day. They have all been a part of this story at some point or other or all along the way, in California, or Texas, or Utah, or any other number of places, having prayed for this and for us and offering their love and support in good times and bad. We made it through on those prayers, and we were never alone.
17 weeks. Nearly halfway there, but really finally at the end.